Not sure what has gotten into Brody lately, but the boy is talkin'.
He is not reciting poetry or anything, but I have heard a series of lovely pop-out words that have gotten me very excited. These words may not mean a lot to the parent of any "typical" three year old, in fact I bet you wish they would stop talking. But to me, these words make my heart melt. Just like when I heard Destin speak for the first time, too. Although he could master puzzles and do math before he spoke real sentences...over-achiever.
"No."
Yes, the word 'no' may seem like an annoying example. And Brody has said 'no' or something like it before, but lately he has said 'no' with gusto.
"NO!"
Like the man means it. And he says it in regards to more than just food now. He says it about Frodo, taking a bath, putting on shoes, taking medicine, anything. Just like any crazy kid would.
"I'm Mad!"
He said it! Plain as day while Matt and I stripped him down for bath time this week. I plopped him in the water and after much disgust and eating the bubbles, he just yelled, "I'm mad!" Well then...so he is not only saying how he feels but in the correct context! Woot!
"Momma"
My own personal favorite. "Momma" was one of his first words. Brody said his first word at 10 months. And he just kept speaking from there. It was awesome; he was on a roll. But then the words stopped. And I went for about 2 years without hearing "Momma." Kind of broke my heart a little, but I can't stay upset. I know he knows I am his mother. Definitely. But it was nice to hear this word all week long and he would say it while looking at me or holding my hand.
"Boo-Boo!"
Now, we have no idea who or what "Boo-Boo" is in our house. My cousin Amanda, her nickname is Boo-Boo. She used to fall down a lot as a kid and get "Boo-Boos." Catchy, I know. But unless Brody is a medium with psychic powers, this obviously means something else. He says it when he is happy or excited mostly. So, I guess this is some kind of happy-go-lucky-I-am-having-fun word?
There you have it. Brody's new, regular words are coming right along. I am excited to see if they "stick." Or if they fade away in the next month. I am confident they are here to stay. But I have learned to take every good day for what it's worth and every moment to heart.
Again, Brody was sent to us so Matt and I would never take any moment for granted again. Because that one special moment, like hearing the word "Momma," may never come back.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Meeting with our Peeps
This morning at 9AM, Matt and I were sitting at Barrett's Elementary with some of the smartest women we know. They are not lawyers or doctors or writers or scientists, they are communication specialists for ASD children, a speech pathologist, and Brody's lovely teacher Emily.
This was a meeting to discuss Brody's goals and progress...and of course what is lacking.
The good news is that he is progressing! He is very connected to the teachers in the class. He also loves the PECS activity (he has to show a picture of an item he wants before he gets the item). He does this activity with over 80% accuracy! Yeah!
He also has a series of "pop-out" words. Meaning he will randomly say a word like "Rapunzel!" or "Cheese crackers" or "Budweiser!" (I know, nice.)
Other good things...he excels on the playground, no gross motor delays to report. He climbs, runs, plays, tumbles, with ease.
He is also sitting for circle, the entire time, and loves music time...they said me smiles and dances for the music which is very assuring that he is aware of his surroundings. He is very connected to his teachers; he loves on them, hugs them, wants kisses. He also started "fist bumps" i.e. Howie Mandel style. He does this on cue.
The main challenge is his ability to focus on one thing at a time. He also needs help with fine motor activities like cutting with scissors, zipping his coat, buttons, etc. He is good at lacing, though. He also does EVERYTHING but speak when he wants something. He plays a constant game of charades for his needs.
So he will stand by the coats and jump around when he wants to play outside instead of saying
"Hey, I want out lady..let's get to business!"
He will try and open his crackers himself with his teeth instead of asking for help.
He'll get the actual juice container from the frig and hand it to us instead of asking for juide (well sometimes he says "juice" probably 3 times a day). He'll get a game or DVD out of the cabinet instead of asking for it, etc.
So, everything but communicate verbally.
Then we moved onto what concerns 'we' the parents have for him...and for me, it is building relationships with other children.
Brody loves teenagers. He loves parents and grandparents, aunt and uncles. But not other small children. They freak him out. Too unpredictable (can you blame him?). He does play really well they Destin; they are BFF.
I really could care less about academic progress right now..yeah that's right I said it.
I don't care about academics with my 3 year old kid....colors, numbers, shapes...I don't give a sh**.
So what if he does not know that stuff right now? He WILL.
Would it be awesome if he could recite his ABC's? Heck yeah. But I cannot dwell on the fact that some kids can and he can't...yet.
I would be torturing myself if every day I thought about we he 'cannot do.' I am only human though...I do tear up when I see other small children holding conversations with their parents. It does hurt to see other "normal" children at play...sort of feels like my chest is caving in...but again, I cannot focus on these negative thoughts; I would go insane. And a crazy momma is not a good momma. I have to keep it together for Brody's sake...and for my husband.
Am I thrilled at those baby videos of 18 month olds reciting the Gettysburg Address? Yes, of course. But really, is it necessary for a 2 year old to know mulitplication tables or the value of a dime? Ummm nope. It's not like they are entering Harvard right after they are potty-trained. We have some time.
I would be more thrilled if Brody made a best friend or said his own name, or maybe an "I love you, mommy!" I mean, who gives a rip if he knows the alphabet...what if he can't sing it with his buddies?
The day he says "I love you" for the first time, will be the best day of my life. Right up there with my wedding day and the birthdays of my boys. That is my own goal for him. To say what he feels, wants, and needs in actual words. That is my goal for him.
And then there's Matt. Matt has NEVER missed a meeting about Brody. In fact, he has never missed anything when our boys are concerned: not a parent-teacher conference, not a doctor's appointment. I am so lucky. Without our marriage, and its strength, I do not know where I would be...probably in a corner crying over buckets of ice cream and other drugs.
So, the meeting today went very well. I left in a great mood and I left wanting to hold Brody even tighter. And tell Destin what an amazing big brother he is to Brody. Now if we could just get him off the shelves and keep him dressed...we would be in good shape.
This was a meeting to discuss Brody's goals and progress...and of course what is lacking.
The good news is that he is progressing! He is very connected to the teachers in the class. He also loves the PECS activity (he has to show a picture of an item he wants before he gets the item). He does this activity with over 80% accuracy! Yeah!
He also has a series of "pop-out" words. Meaning he will randomly say a word like "Rapunzel!" or "Cheese crackers" or "Budweiser!" (I know, nice.)
Other good things...he excels on the playground, no gross motor delays to report. He climbs, runs, plays, tumbles, with ease.
He is also sitting for circle, the entire time, and loves music time...they said me smiles and dances for the music which is very assuring that he is aware of his surroundings. He is very connected to his teachers; he loves on them, hugs them, wants kisses. He also started "fist bumps" i.e. Howie Mandel style. He does this on cue.
The main challenge is his ability to focus on one thing at a time. He also needs help with fine motor activities like cutting with scissors, zipping his coat, buttons, etc. He is good at lacing, though. He also does EVERYTHING but speak when he wants something. He plays a constant game of charades for his needs.
So he will stand by the coats and jump around when he wants to play outside instead of saying
"Hey, I want out lady..let's get to business!"
He will try and open his crackers himself with his teeth instead of asking for help.
He'll get the actual juice container from the frig and hand it to us instead of asking for juide (well sometimes he says "juice" probably 3 times a day). He'll get a game or DVD out of the cabinet instead of asking for it, etc.
So, everything but communicate verbally.
Then we moved onto what concerns 'we' the parents have for him...and for me, it is building relationships with other children.
Brody loves teenagers. He loves parents and grandparents, aunt and uncles. But not other small children. They freak him out. Too unpredictable (can you blame him?). He does play really well they Destin; they are BFF.
I really could care less about academic progress right now..yeah that's right I said it.
I don't care about academics with my 3 year old kid....colors, numbers, shapes...I don't give a sh**.
So what if he does not know that stuff right now? He WILL.
Would it be awesome if he could recite his ABC's? Heck yeah. But I cannot dwell on the fact that some kids can and he can't...yet.
I would be torturing myself if every day I thought about we he 'cannot do.' I am only human though...I do tear up when I see other small children holding conversations with their parents. It does hurt to see other "normal" children at play...sort of feels like my chest is caving in...but again, I cannot focus on these negative thoughts; I would go insane. And a crazy momma is not a good momma. I have to keep it together for Brody's sake...and for my husband.
Am I thrilled at those baby videos of 18 month olds reciting the Gettysburg Address? Yes, of course. But really, is it necessary for a 2 year old to know mulitplication tables or the value of a dime? Ummm nope. It's not like they are entering Harvard right after they are potty-trained. We have some time.
I would be more thrilled if Brody made a best friend or said his own name, or maybe an "I love you, mommy!" I mean, who gives a rip if he knows the alphabet...what if he can't sing it with his buddies?
The day he says "I love you" for the first time, will be the best day of my life. Right up there with my wedding day and the birthdays of my boys. That is my own goal for him. To say what he feels, wants, and needs in actual words. That is my goal for him.
And then there's Matt. Matt has NEVER missed a meeting about Brody. In fact, he has never missed anything when our boys are concerned: not a parent-teacher conference, not a doctor's appointment. I am so lucky. Without our marriage, and its strength, I do not know where I would be...probably in a corner crying over buckets of ice cream and other drugs.
So, the meeting today went very well. I left in a great mood and I left wanting to hold Brody even tighter. And tell Destin what an amazing big brother he is to Brody. Now if we could just get him off the shelves and keep him dressed...we would be in good shape.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Destin is a Nerd. And that's OK.
About 2 weeks ago, I got a call from Destin's school about some concerning "behaviors" he was displaying in class.
His teacher explained that he frequently:
- Focused and obsessed on race cars, drew pictures of them, talked about them a lot, would make paper ones and race them in class.
- Avoided group activities and preferred to play alone or color/read.
- Preferred to talk to her than the other kids at times
- Loved math and played games with numbers
- Discussed the date and the weather in class.
- Remembered dates and was very smart with numbers, but not so much with writing.
As the conversation continued, the child psychologist for the school got on the phone and explained she wanted to have Destin tested for...wait for it...wait..Autism.
Yes, that's right. You heard here first.
The shrink (I am only saying "shrink" because it takes less time to type) said these behaviors are sure signs of ASD and that he probably only had a "slight case of autism."
A slight case of autism is like being a little bit pregnant.
I remained very calm on the phone and explained that we had a child with an ASD diagnosis. I told her I was more concerned with Destin's anxiety about school than with his preference to play alone or talk about cars, etc. The shrink said she knew about Brody from Destin's teacher. They were aware and just wanted to "play it safe" and run some tests and observations in class. She said to look for the consent forms in his backpack.
Then she hung up.
So, of course I shook like a leaf...called my mother, called my husband, my sister, my dad. Cried, yelled, screamed. All of that stuff. I called my friends, who are also educators, and asked for guidance.
Katie Hensler, if you are reading, you are a GODSEND. A true friend.
Why can't people just leave my kids alone?
Now, I understand all of this awareness is a very good thing. Believe me. I have been there and back and back again. I know his teachers CARE deeply for Destin. And it is wonderful. Destin's teacher is a sweetheart and I love talking to her. She has a great sense of humor, a lot of energy. She loves him.
We are so lucky. This post is in no way an angry letter to her...
But seriously...autism? Because he LOVES race cars, NASCAR, bowling, and is painfully shy in large groups, he has ASD?
So, I did what any good mother would do in this case. I immediately called our amazing neurologists,
Dr. Rothman and Dr. Mantovani and made an appointment at Mercy Hospital.
Boo-Yah.
The appointment was yesterday. And after an hour of questioning Destin Boland, making him do a series of "tricks" (as I call them) and other cognitive tasks, Dr. Rothman concluded that...
Destin is a Nerd.
Now he did not say those words exactly, but I knew what he was thinking.
He said Destin is very "unique" and has some quirks, but does NOT in ANY WAY have ASD or any spectrum disorder. Period.
Was I relieved? Of course. Who wouldn't be?
Am I angry at his teacher or the child shrink at school?
Nope. They just love my kid.
I let his teacher know the doc gave him a clean bill of health...if they still want to test, fine, go ahead. It won't change a thing.
It's really time we celebrate our kid's differences...I love the fact that Destin is in love with NASCAR, is great at Math, and is very tidy. I think it's OK if he prefers to play alone sometimes...he has 2 good little friends at school that he hangs out with and you know what? That's more than most kids have these days. And they are great kids. Destin is not afraid to be different. What more could a mother ask for?
Destin is my little Nerd and I would never have it any other way.
His teacher explained that he frequently:
- Focused and obsessed on race cars, drew pictures of them, talked about them a lot, would make paper ones and race them in class.
- Avoided group activities and preferred to play alone or color/read.
- Preferred to talk to her than the other kids at times
- Loved math and played games with numbers
- Discussed the date and the weather in class.
- Remembered dates and was very smart with numbers, but not so much with writing.
As the conversation continued, the child psychologist for the school got on the phone and explained she wanted to have Destin tested for...wait for it...wait..Autism.
Yes, that's right. You heard here first.
The shrink (I am only saying "shrink" because it takes less time to type) said these behaviors are sure signs of ASD and that he probably only had a "slight case of autism."
A slight case of autism is like being a little bit pregnant.
I remained very calm on the phone and explained that we had a child with an ASD diagnosis. I told her I was more concerned with Destin's anxiety about school than with his preference to play alone or talk about cars, etc. The shrink said she knew about Brody from Destin's teacher. They were aware and just wanted to "play it safe" and run some tests and observations in class. She said to look for the consent forms in his backpack.
Then she hung up.
So, of course I shook like a leaf...called my mother, called my husband, my sister, my dad. Cried, yelled, screamed. All of that stuff. I called my friends, who are also educators, and asked for guidance.
Katie Hensler, if you are reading, you are a GODSEND. A true friend.
Why can't people just leave my kids alone?
Now, I understand all of this awareness is a very good thing. Believe me. I have been there and back and back again. I know his teachers CARE deeply for Destin. And it is wonderful. Destin's teacher is a sweetheart and I love talking to her. She has a great sense of humor, a lot of energy. She loves him.
We are so lucky. This post is in no way an angry letter to her...
But seriously...autism? Because he LOVES race cars, NASCAR, bowling, and is painfully shy in large groups, he has ASD?
So, I did what any good mother would do in this case. I immediately called our amazing neurologists,
Dr. Rothman and Dr. Mantovani and made an appointment at Mercy Hospital.
Boo-Yah.
The appointment was yesterday. And after an hour of questioning Destin Boland, making him do a series of "tricks" (as I call them) and other cognitive tasks, Dr. Rothman concluded that...
Destin is a Nerd.
Now he did not say those words exactly, but I knew what he was thinking.
He said Destin is very "unique" and has some quirks, but does NOT in ANY WAY have ASD or any spectrum disorder. Period.
Was I relieved? Of course. Who wouldn't be?
Am I angry at his teacher or the child shrink at school?
Nope. They just love my kid.
I let his teacher know the doc gave him a clean bill of health...if they still want to test, fine, go ahead. It won't change a thing.
It's really time we celebrate our kid's differences...I love the fact that Destin is in love with NASCAR, is great at Math, and is very tidy. I think it's OK if he prefers to play alone sometimes...he has 2 good little friends at school that he hangs out with and you know what? That's more than most kids have these days. And they are great kids. Destin is not afraid to be different. What more could a mother ask for?
Destin is my little Nerd and I would never have it any other way.
Monday, January 30, 2012
More Than Words
Remember that song "More Than Words"? I think it was by Extreme or one of those 1980's bands (or early nineties bands). I LOVED that song.
"Sayin' I love you...is not the words I want to hear from you...
....what would you say, if I took those words away...more than
words to show you feel that your love for me is real....what would you
do...if my heart was torn in two..."
I mean I LOVED that song.
I would blast it in my car on my way to football games and request it on the radio during "Pillow Talk...Soft Rock 102.5..." I would make my boyfriends learn it on guitar and of course begged my now husband to play it over and over when we met.
I would have no idea that in just about 10 years that song would play in my mind every day.
Brody is still considered "non-verbal." Simply because he does not express himself verbally, he has been "blessed" with a label. However, for those of you who have met Brody, you know he is very expressive. He is a boy who loves to love.
Just last week, I was sitting in the living room with my two guys. Destin was making song requests..."Itsy Bitsy Spider" was one of them, then we sang the "Alphabet Song and then "Bullet Train, Choo Choo Soul." Brody just stared at my mouth as we sang and played with my hair...then squeezed my cheeks together and gave me a kiss. Then Destin wanted a kiss, and so and so on.
But at the end of our little session, he laid his head on my shoulder and fell asleep quietly.
He was warm and soft. Heaven in my lap. Love.
Now he may not have said it at the moment, but I felt it. It's more than words. So what would I do if the words "I love you" went away? Well, I would look to Brody for an answer.
I gently carried him to his bed so he could rest, still in clothes of course.
"Sayin' I love you...is not the words I want to hear from you...
....what would you say, if I took those words away...more than
words to show you feel that your love for me is real....what would you
do...if my heart was torn in two..."
I mean I LOVED that song.
I would blast it in my car on my way to football games and request it on the radio during "Pillow Talk...Soft Rock 102.5..." I would make my boyfriends learn it on guitar and of course begged my now husband to play it over and over when we met.
I would have no idea that in just about 10 years that song would play in my mind every day.
Brody is still considered "non-verbal." Simply because he does not express himself verbally, he has been "blessed" with a label. However, for those of you who have met Brody, you know he is very expressive. He is a boy who loves to love.
Just last week, I was sitting in the living room with my two guys. Destin was making song requests..."Itsy Bitsy Spider" was one of them, then we sang the "Alphabet Song and then "Bullet Train, Choo Choo Soul." Brody just stared at my mouth as we sang and played with my hair...then squeezed my cheeks together and gave me a kiss. Then Destin wanted a kiss, and so and so on.
But at the end of our little session, he laid his head on my shoulder and fell asleep quietly.
He was warm and soft. Heaven in my lap. Love.
Now he may not have said it at the moment, but I felt it. It's more than words. So what would I do if the words "I love you" went away? Well, I would look to Brody for an answer.
I gently carried him to his bed so he could rest, still in clothes of course.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
All is Fair in Love and Playgrounds
Yesterday was an amazing day for the Bolands. Not only did I have the day off from work, but it was a big day for Brody and for me. I realized that all kids are the same...on the playground.
After a morning hanging out at the house watching "Tangled" I took the boys out to eat for cheese
"ques-ka-di-yas" as Destin says, then we went to Fenton City Park. We were not the only ones with this idea apparently because the place was hoppin.' I barely found a spot to park.
We set up shop right in front of the jungle gym/slide thingy. Destin ran off to the swings. Last time we went to the playground, about 2 months ago (hey we moved, we barely have time for this stuff anymore!) Brody just mingled around, wandered, occasionally went up the stairs, occasionally wanted to swing. Mostly he would run around aimlessly as I chased him.
But not yesterday.
Brody was on a mission; to conquer the twisty slide. He climbed up the stairs, waited his turn, went down the slide, all while looking and smiling straight at me. He did this for almost 20 minutes. It was wonderful. He blended right in with the other little ones (except he was wayyyyy cuter!). He was screaming, yelling, running around, looking at other kids, jumping on the bridges, climbing the walls of the jungle gym...it was amazing to watch.
But it did not end there...little boys would come up to him and want to share things (like sticks, rocks, dirt, mud) and he totally reached out his hand each time to grab theirs. Yes, there were almost some tears at the park...from mommy!
Brody also, like any 3 year old, was fearless. The monkey bars are a favorite. While Destin, my cautious child, wanted me to hold him up while he moved from bar to bar, Brody just went for it. He would hang for a minute, then move to the next bar. He did this for almost 30 minutes. It was awesome.
Normalness is something we all take for granted; I know I did before Brody's diagnosis. I took potty-training as just another chore, not a daily victory. I took using utensils has mere mundane routine, but it is a great achievement to see Brody eat cereal. I also took sharing as a "requirement" of children, not as developmental growth. But it is such a sign of development and relationship building.
After today I realized why Brody was sent to us, so we would never take anything from our children for granted again. Everything they learn and do is a gift...even sharing a mud pie.
After a morning hanging out at the house watching "Tangled" I took the boys out to eat for cheese
"ques-ka-di-yas" as Destin says, then we went to Fenton City Park. We were not the only ones with this idea apparently because the place was hoppin.' I barely found a spot to park.
We set up shop right in front of the jungle gym/slide thingy. Destin ran off to the swings. Last time we went to the playground, about 2 months ago (hey we moved, we barely have time for this stuff anymore!) Brody just mingled around, wandered, occasionally went up the stairs, occasionally wanted to swing. Mostly he would run around aimlessly as I chased him.
But not yesterday.
Brody was on a mission; to conquer the twisty slide. He climbed up the stairs, waited his turn, went down the slide, all while looking and smiling straight at me. He did this for almost 20 minutes. It was wonderful. He blended right in with the other little ones (except he was wayyyyy cuter!). He was screaming, yelling, running around, looking at other kids, jumping on the bridges, climbing the walls of the jungle gym...it was amazing to watch.
But it did not end there...little boys would come up to him and want to share things (like sticks, rocks, dirt, mud) and he totally reached out his hand each time to grab theirs. Yes, there were almost some tears at the park...from mommy!
Brody also, like any 3 year old, was fearless. The monkey bars are a favorite. While Destin, my cautious child, wanted me to hold him up while he moved from bar to bar, Brody just went for it. He would hang for a minute, then move to the next bar. He did this for almost 30 minutes. It was awesome.
Normalness is something we all take for granted; I know I did before Brody's diagnosis. I took potty-training as just another chore, not a daily victory. I took using utensils has mere mundane routine, but it is a great achievement to see Brody eat cereal. I also took sharing as a "requirement" of children, not as developmental growth. But it is such a sign of development and relationship building.
After today I realized why Brody was sent to us, so we would never take anything from our children for granted again. Everything they learn and do is a gift...even sharing a mud pie.
Monday, January 2, 2012
So this was Christmas...
I hope I do not sound like Uncle Scrooge when I say this, but I am happy the holidays are over.
Not that Christmas and New Year's were not fun this year, they were wonderful, but very exhausting. I am sure a lot of you are also a little happy that the tree is coming down and the shopping is finished.
The holidays seemed to exentuate Brody's fun quirks. As you know, we refer to Brody as "Mr. Naked" around the house. It used to be very cute to find Brody naked, happily watching TV or eating breakfast, but ever since the holidays it is out of control. He now HATES wearing pull-ups, which is a great sign that we are close to potty-training the guy, but up until then, it is very hard to keep the child from dropping his pants at the drop of a hat in the living room. He especially loves getting naked and sitting on the couch...ewww. Thank goodness it is treated-leather.
The holidays also brought about a new trend with the Brodster and that is "tantrums." Brody used to rarely throw a temper tantrum; I mean rarely...he was not perfect, but maybe once or twice a week there would be an outburst. But this weekend we were in a grocery store in Branson and I bet the cashiers thought we were kidnappers. I also want to strangle the person who puts those M&M's (and hot-wheels cars) in the checkout line.
Here is the scene...Destin grabs a packet of M&M's and starts begging for them. Brody sees his brother in distress, then gets mad. He starts head butting Destin in line and grabs the candy from him. Destin shrieks and Brody shrieks louder and busts the bag open. Candy goes everywhere as I run to the parking lot with the kids...Matt hastily pays the bill as I make the getaway. I am sure someone studied our images for America's Most Wanted.
On our way home from Branson yesterday, Brody was sleeping and snoring in the car, Destin was playing his Leapster. I looked at my husband and selfishly asked if things could get any worse right now. The kids were finally content after a lot of chaotic moments; I was hitting my breaking point. It was definitely a down moment. Brody is nuts over the holidays, we are exhausted, and what for?
Matt reminded me of how lucky we are to have Brody...he hugs us, kisses us, loves us and we know it. Many autistic children do not show affection. And have the help/support we need to get through a hard time. We have a home, we have good jobs, we have professional help. Not many people can say that, especially those with a special needs child. We are lucky. And yes, things can get much, much worse.
He also reminded me of how we are lucky to have each other...he is right (don't tell him that!).
So, were the holidays insane...yes. But would we expect anything different? Nope.
This is our new normal...and it is starting to feel like home.
Not that Christmas and New Year's were not fun this year, they were wonderful, but very exhausting. I am sure a lot of you are also a little happy that the tree is coming down and the shopping is finished.
The holidays seemed to exentuate Brody's fun quirks. As you know, we refer to Brody as "Mr. Naked" around the house. It used to be very cute to find Brody naked, happily watching TV or eating breakfast, but ever since the holidays it is out of control. He now HATES wearing pull-ups, which is a great sign that we are close to potty-training the guy, but up until then, it is very hard to keep the child from dropping his pants at the drop of a hat in the living room. He especially loves getting naked and sitting on the couch...ewww. Thank goodness it is treated-leather.
The holidays also brought about a new trend with the Brodster and that is "tantrums." Brody used to rarely throw a temper tantrum; I mean rarely...he was not perfect, but maybe once or twice a week there would be an outburst. But this weekend we were in a grocery store in Branson and I bet the cashiers thought we were kidnappers. I also want to strangle the person who puts those M&M's (and hot-wheels cars) in the checkout line.
Here is the scene...Destin grabs a packet of M&M's and starts begging for them. Brody sees his brother in distress, then gets mad. He starts head butting Destin in line and grabs the candy from him. Destin shrieks and Brody shrieks louder and busts the bag open. Candy goes everywhere as I run to the parking lot with the kids...Matt hastily pays the bill as I make the getaway. I am sure someone studied our images for America's Most Wanted.
On our way home from Branson yesterday, Brody was sleeping and snoring in the car, Destin was playing his Leapster. I looked at my husband and selfishly asked if things could get any worse right now. The kids were finally content after a lot of chaotic moments; I was hitting my breaking point. It was definitely a down moment. Brody is nuts over the holidays, we are exhausted, and what for?
Matt reminded me of how lucky we are to have Brody...he hugs us, kisses us, loves us and we know it. Many autistic children do not show affection. And have the help/support we need to get through a hard time. We have a home, we have good jobs, we have professional help. Not many people can say that, especially those with a special needs child. We are lucky. And yes, things can get much, much worse.
He also reminded me of how we are lucky to have each other...he is right (don't tell him that!).
So, were the holidays insane...yes. But would we expect anything different? Nope.
This is our new normal...and it is starting to feel like home.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
About three months ago someone approached me at a party. The subject of kids came up and eventually I mentioned that Brody was diagnosed with autism. She meant well and meant to actually comfort me once she found out. The conversation went a little like this:
Person: "Brody has autism? Oh, well, you know what? I know (insert name here) and their son has autism. He is now in his thirties."
Me: "Does he have a girlfriend?"
Person: "Well, no..."
Me: "Does he drive?"
Person: "No, he lives with his parents....he likes to rent videos, play video games, he doesn't have a job, but he goes out to eat with his parents sometimes..."
I realize this may sound like a few people you know...living at home at age 30 playing video games at his/her parent's house, but it took everything in me not to start crying in front of this lady.
This sadness soon turned into selfishness. I should not care of Brody will marry or drive a car, but I do. Who doesn't want their son to grow up and have a family of his own?
Who will take care of him when I am gone?
This is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. Who will love him when he is 30 years old? Will he have a wife? Will he have children?
With any child, autistic or not, all parents have these thoughts. I know my parents did. I am sure there were moments when they just weren't sure what I was going to do with my life. They may also have thought I would end up in their basement playing video games, instead of getting married and having children of my own.
So, now when I go to a party, I become the "Brody Match-maker.." If I find out someone has a two year old daughter, I immediately start telling him/her about Brody (and Destin, too).
"Brody is soooo cute, and sweet! Now how old is your little girl?"
Person: "Brody has autism? Oh, well, you know what? I know (insert name here) and their son has autism. He is now in his thirties."
Me: "Does he have a girlfriend?"
Person: "Well, no..."
Me: "Does he drive?"
Person: "No, he lives with his parents....he likes to rent videos, play video games, he doesn't have a job, but he goes out to eat with his parents sometimes..."
I realize this may sound like a few people you know...living at home at age 30 playing video games at his/her parent's house, but it took everything in me not to start crying in front of this lady.
This sadness soon turned into selfishness. I should not care of Brody will marry or drive a car, but I do. Who doesn't want their son to grow up and have a family of his own?
Who will take care of him when I am gone?
This is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. Who will love him when he is 30 years old? Will he have a wife? Will he have children?
With any child, autistic or not, all parents have these thoughts. I know my parents did. I am sure there were moments when they just weren't sure what I was going to do with my life. They may also have thought I would end up in their basement playing video games, instead of getting married and having children of my own.
So, now when I go to a party, I become the "Brody Match-maker.." If I find out someone has a two year old daughter, I immediately start telling him/her about Brody (and Destin, too).
"Brody is soooo cute, and sweet! Now how old is your little girl?"
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)