I don't like to talk too much about my job, but the majority of my professional life involves working with at-risk college students. Most, not all, of the college students I work with have serious issues at home to deal with including domestic violence, medical issues, child custody, unplanned pregnancies and drug abuse.
This past week I met with one particular student who was disrespectful and disruptive with several members of my staff. I called her into my office to discuss her behavior and basically to find out,
"What's up with this?"
I noticed that during the conversation she refused to look at me. I kept asking her to "look me in the eye."
"Now, why should I do that?" She asked me.
"Because it is a sign of respect," I told her. I have a very stern "teacher talk" and strict "teacher face" I use in these situations. It works like a charm. I only use it when I have to.
We had a good conversation; we left with a clean slate.
On my drive home that night, my thoughts went to my family, as they typically do.
Brody's eye contact has steadily improved over the past year. One of the first symptons of autism is scattered eye contact, among other things. It comes and goes, but mostly it is on the up and up.
Tonight was especially wonderful; Brody was very connected with all of us. I don't know if it had to do with the fact we had his cousins over tonight or that he was just in a good mood, but he was sooooo "into us" all night. It was wonderful. I used to take so much for granted with my older son. And it is unfair to compare their skills, but it is so wonderful to see "normal" behavior from Brody from time to time, like a laugh at a joke or a direct smile from ear to ear.
When I was tucking Brody in tonight, he looked straight into my eyes and smiled. He has huge brown eyes that remind me of Patrick Swayze in "Dirty Dancing." He looked right at me. His gaze lasted for about a minute. I wondered if I should grab his flash cards and start drilling words or pictures of animals, but the selfish side of me did not want to waste the connection. So instead...
"Hi Buddy...loves ya..." was all I could say.
Then he smiled, laughed uncontrollably. I smothered him with kisses and hugs. Then he covered himself in his Thomas the Tank Engine blanket.
Eye contact is a funny thing. Sometimes it means respect. Sometimes it means lust or hatred or jealousy. But with Brody everything has a new meaning, a new definition. He continually redefines words for us like joy, faith, normal, love, sorrow, passion, hope. His eye contact, to me, means...
"I'm here with you, mom. I'm OK."
It's strange, but I hope one day Brody is sitting in his principal's office and being asked to "look someone in the eye." Because when he does, he will re-define what connection really means to us all.
