Back in December, I took my therapist's advice and decided to attend a workshop for special needs kids/parents transitioning after high school. My BIGGEST fear with Brody is what is going to happen after the safety and comfort of Parkway schools. Right now, the kids love Brody and he is very popular. The little ones say "hi" to him in the hall, the teachers love him, and he is an adorable little 1st grader. But that won't last forever. So, to face my fears, I attended the workshop. I was my typical annoying self and asked a lot of questions, sat in the front of the room, all that stuff.
I also stayed back after the workshop and talked to EVERY high school teacher there. I explained Brody and what was going on with him. I told them all about his skill level and speech. EVERY one of them explained that you just can't make predictions right now. He will come so far. They also explained that it's all about independence with special needs kids. They may not be able to do long division, but they'll be able to cook dinner, clean the house and hold a job. So, we are stressing independence at home...getting dressed alone, cooking breakfast, etc. And having fun with friends, too.
So, REALITY check...he's going to be fine. There are actually a lot of options for adults with special needs after graduation. I thought he would be sentenced to loneliness or something, but no way. The workshop gave me some great ideas. Not to mention I met some parents of high schoolers with autism. They were wonderful and very funny. All of them had a great attitude about their kids and were extremely supportive.
That brings us up to speed with where Brody is today.
Right now, his speech is improving with what is called "Highly Preferred" items. So, the more he loves something the more he says it...and he says "Mom" A LOT. YAY! But he also says "soda, cookie, candy, Destin, shoes, I Do It, night night, juice and bye." His receptive language is really improving...meaning he responds to commands. We'll ask him to get his shoes or go "bye bye" and he'll get his coat. So he definitely understands us, he just can't express a verbal response. He's also awesome at art! I have a ton of Brody originals that will be displayed in his new brother's nursery.
He's rockin' out with PECs. He moves really fast and puts sentences together with his pictures. So, he can put a sentence together with his picture book that says, "I want to go outside." Pretty cool.
All in all, we're happy with his progress...which brings us to another point...REALITY.
In our house, we live moment to moment. That is both exciting and insane. We embrace all of Brody's challenges and triumphs day-to-day. And it brings us into reality every day of what Brody can and cannot do. I typically push away what he can't do because, I mean, why bother focusing on the negative? I would go insane. So, instead we focus on the progress. Which can get tough on a bad day when he is extra moody or jumpy around the house.
On most days, we're in our bubble of our happy and nutty house. Brody is watching movies with his brother or we're going to the grocery store or out to dinner. And Brody does GREAT out to eat with friends/family. We've taken him to boy scout meetings and he does great there, too.
REALITY creeps up on us the most when we're around more typical developing kids and mostly typically developing kids we do not know.
Case and point: The School Talent Show. At Henry, each kid is required to do some sort of talent in the talent show...Talents Shows run twice a year. Twice for every grade. So, we go to Destin's little shows and he sings some goofy song or plays the drums. It's cute. He tries hard...it's no American Idol, but it's funny. We give him high fives after and all is well. He goes back to class and we take him out to dinner typically that night. All good.
It's a different story for Brody. He plays the bongs typically and an aide has to help him. He really kind of hates it because of the noise and the applause afterwards. It usually ends with us holding him and calming him down after the show. He's freaked but all the commotion. I kinda wish he could be excused from it, but I get it. He's a part of the class and he will definitely grow out of this...we see him getting less and less freaked as the year goes on. I also leave with him afterwards. I tend to do that with Brody. If I go to school to visit him, I leave with him. Yeah...I gotta stop that!
But like any mom, I think, in this situation...you can't help but sweat a little. You sit during a talent show and watch the typical kids sing songs from "Frozen" and your kid can barely make it to the stage. It's tough. Plus, none of the other special needs parents come to the shows. I wish they would.
I could never miss a show if Brody was in it. No way. And REALITY hits even harder with the looks of pity from the other parents. The parents filming the Talent Show with their iPads (which that is totally me during Destin's school choir shows BTW). That hurts. While Talent Shows are NOT about me whatsoever they are about Brody's growth, I can't help but cry a little when a get to my car,
"But Brody is so goregeous. If he wasn't autistic he would be...(fill in the blank)."
"But Brody has so much inside! Why can't it just come out!?"
But after the tears leave and I come back to the moment, I realize it's just a freakin' talent show. That's all. Nothing more. Breathe. And Brody is more than a song or a drum solo.
We're expecting another boy in July and I have to confess here...the pregnancy has helped our family in ways I never thought it would. I know that sounds crazy but it does. Like that workshop I mentioned earlier...I felt so empowered knowing that Brody would have another brother to lean on and Destin would have more support in his life. Our Brody will never be lonely and our house will never be quiet again! Wow, what a relief that is!
So, the anticipation of another little boy is really what our family needs. It's what we thought we never needed. But, we need the joy. We need the excitement in our house. And our boys need their baby brother. I cannot wait to have a crazier house, happy kids, and tons of love. The joy is what keeps our marriage strong and our house moving.
In fact, as I am typing this, Destin is playing Mario Kart and Brody is cheering him on...and so the night begins.
That is where we are today. Living in the moment. Focusing on the positive. Crazy with anticipation with another boy on the way. And filling this house with noise, noise, and more noise.
