Like most (I mean all!) married women, I remember my wedding day vividly. I can tell you what the air smelled like, what my mom said to me as I put my veil on, what I ate for breakfast, and what song was playing on the limo ride to the church. But what I can't tell you is what exactly, I mean exactly, those vows really meant 9 years ago.
I took my vows seriously, but to avoid breaking into tears, I treated them like lines on a stage. And later in the night, privately in our honeymoon suite, I shared my personal vows alone with my husband, so he knew I was serious. And then we took off for our WILD Mexican honeymoon for 5 days. And I mean wild...we were 23 and 25 years old, we were in Puerto Villarta. We partied like the Spring Break we never had. We had a blast. And 18 months later we had Destin Matthew Boland, our first little guy. We were (are) wildly in love. We dated for 5 months and got engaged in a Taco Bell drive thru. Most people thought we were crazy and they were not afraid to share that opinion. And that was almost 9 years ago.
There is a statistic out there that says 50% of all marriages end in divorce. And that percentage goes even higher if you have a child born with a disability. The stats are insane, something like 70% of marriages that involve a child with special needs ends in divorce. That is scary news.
I remember the day Brody was diagnosed, formally. It was Destin's Open House at his new kindergarten. I met his teacher, shook her hand, and explained that Destin had a brother with special needs. She had kind eyes and knew what I meant. Matt looked at me in shock.
Later that night I told him what the pediatrician told me...and that was our wedding day all over again.
I said this news meant we were in this together. And all of the petty stuff we had been through in the past, was nothing compared to what we were about to face...together. And I needed to know he was in this for the long haul.
"Of course, Cassie. I am in love with you," he said.
Thank God for that.
With all of the challenges we had witrh Brody over the past year, I can always go back to Matt and say that my marriage is amazing. And not many people can say that. I am one lucky mommy. The one thing in my life that has stayed strong passed any of this, is our commitment to stay together.
I love holding his calloused hands, making margaritas to old country songs, laughing at our favorite shows, folding his laundry. I love the fact that he hates makeup and high heels, loves ripped jeans and flip flops and would rather cook at home than make reservations. I love that he tears up to old movies, wrestles with our kids, and can sew buttons on a ripped dress. I love the leather boots, dirty jeans, Jack Daniels t-shirts, and cheap sunglasses that he wears when he rides the bike. I love the fact that I can't sleep unless he is home and sleeping next to me.
A lot of this blog has been about Brody, but the man who really deserves the credit is the one who tucks him in at night. The one who makes his pancakes. It's Matt. He's awesome. I am lucky. And always will be.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Eye Contact
I don't like to talk too much about my job, but the majority of my professional life involves working with at-risk college students. Most, not all, of the college students I work with have serious issues at home to deal with including domestic violence, medical issues, child custody, unplanned pregnancies and drug abuse.
This past week I met with one particular student who was disrespectful and disruptive with several members of my staff. I called her into my office to discuss her behavior and basically to find out,
"What's up with this?"
I noticed that during the conversation she refused to look at me. I kept asking her to "look me in the eye."
"Now, why should I do that?" She asked me.
"Because it is a sign of respect," I told her. I have a very stern "teacher talk" and strict "teacher face" I use in these situations. It works like a charm. I only use it when I have to.
We had a good conversation; we left with a clean slate.
On my drive home that night, my thoughts went to my family, as they typically do.
Brody's eye contact has steadily improved over the past year. One of the first symptons of autism is scattered eye contact, among other things. It comes and goes, but mostly it is on the up and up.
Tonight was especially wonderful; Brody was very connected with all of us. I don't know if it had to do with the fact we had his cousins over tonight or that he was just in a good mood, but he was sooooo "into us" all night. It was wonderful. I used to take so much for granted with my older son. And it is unfair to compare their skills, but it is so wonderful to see "normal" behavior from Brody from time to time, like a laugh at a joke or a direct smile from ear to ear.
When I was tucking Brody in tonight, he looked straight into my eyes and smiled. He has huge brown eyes that remind me of Patrick Swayze in "Dirty Dancing." He looked right at me. His gaze lasted for about a minute. I wondered if I should grab his flash cards and start drilling words or pictures of animals, but the selfish side of me did not want to waste the connection. So instead...
"Hi Buddy...loves ya..." was all I could say.
Then he smiled, laughed uncontrollably. I smothered him with kisses and hugs. Then he covered himself in his Thomas the Tank Engine blanket.
Eye contact is a funny thing. Sometimes it means respect. Sometimes it means lust or hatred or jealousy. But with Brody everything has a new meaning, a new definition. He continually redefines words for us like joy, faith, normal, love, sorrow, passion, hope. His eye contact, to me, means...
"I'm here with you, mom. I'm OK."
It's strange, but I hope one day Brody is sitting in his principal's office and being asked to "look someone in the eye." Because when he does, he will re-define what connection really means to us all.
This past week I met with one particular student who was disrespectful and disruptive with several members of my staff. I called her into my office to discuss her behavior and basically to find out,
"What's up with this?"
I noticed that during the conversation she refused to look at me. I kept asking her to "look me in the eye."
"Now, why should I do that?" She asked me.
"Because it is a sign of respect," I told her. I have a very stern "teacher talk" and strict "teacher face" I use in these situations. It works like a charm. I only use it when I have to.
We had a good conversation; we left with a clean slate.
On my drive home that night, my thoughts went to my family, as they typically do.
Brody's eye contact has steadily improved over the past year. One of the first symptons of autism is scattered eye contact, among other things. It comes and goes, but mostly it is on the up and up.
Tonight was especially wonderful; Brody was very connected with all of us. I don't know if it had to do with the fact we had his cousins over tonight or that he was just in a good mood, but he was sooooo "into us" all night. It was wonderful. I used to take so much for granted with my older son. And it is unfair to compare their skills, but it is so wonderful to see "normal" behavior from Brody from time to time, like a laugh at a joke or a direct smile from ear to ear.
When I was tucking Brody in tonight, he looked straight into my eyes and smiled. He has huge brown eyes that remind me of Patrick Swayze in "Dirty Dancing." He looked right at me. His gaze lasted for about a minute. I wondered if I should grab his flash cards and start drilling words or pictures of animals, but the selfish side of me did not want to waste the connection. So instead...
"Hi Buddy...loves ya..." was all I could say.
Then he smiled, laughed uncontrollably. I smothered him with kisses and hugs. Then he covered himself in his Thomas the Tank Engine blanket.
Eye contact is a funny thing. Sometimes it means respect. Sometimes it means lust or hatred or jealousy. But with Brody everything has a new meaning, a new definition. He continually redefines words for us like joy, faith, normal, love, sorrow, passion, hope. His eye contact, to me, means...
"I'm here with you, mom. I'm OK."
It's strange, but I hope one day Brody is sitting in his principal's office and being asked to "look someone in the eye." Because when he does, he will re-define what connection really means to us all.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Baby Talk
Not sure what has gotten into Brody lately, but the boy is talkin'.
He is not reciting poetry or anything, but I have heard a series of lovely pop-out words that have gotten me very excited. These words may not mean a lot to the parent of any "typical" three year old, in fact I bet you wish they would stop talking. But to me, these words make my heart melt. Just like when I heard Destin speak for the first time, too. Although he could master puzzles and do math before he spoke real sentences...over-achiever.
"No."
Yes, the word 'no' may seem like an annoying example. And Brody has said 'no' or something like it before, but lately he has said 'no' with gusto.
"NO!"
Like the man means it. And he says it in regards to more than just food now. He says it about Frodo, taking a bath, putting on shoes, taking medicine, anything. Just like any crazy kid would.
"I'm Mad!"
He said it! Plain as day while Matt and I stripped him down for bath time this week. I plopped him in the water and after much disgust and eating the bubbles, he just yelled, "I'm mad!" Well then...so he is not only saying how he feels but in the correct context! Woot!
"Momma"
My own personal favorite. "Momma" was one of his first words. Brody said his first word at 10 months. And he just kept speaking from there. It was awesome; he was on a roll. But then the words stopped. And I went for about 2 years without hearing "Momma." Kind of broke my heart a little, but I can't stay upset. I know he knows I am his mother. Definitely. But it was nice to hear this word all week long and he would say it while looking at me or holding my hand.
"Boo-Boo!"
Now, we have no idea who or what "Boo-Boo" is in our house. My cousin Amanda, her nickname is Boo-Boo. She used to fall down a lot as a kid and get "Boo-Boos." Catchy, I know. But unless Brody is a medium with psychic powers, this obviously means something else. He says it when he is happy or excited mostly. So, I guess this is some kind of happy-go-lucky-I-am-having-fun word?
There you have it. Brody's new, regular words are coming right along. I am excited to see if they "stick." Or if they fade away in the next month. I am confident they are here to stay. But I have learned to take every good day for what it's worth and every moment to heart.
Again, Brody was sent to us so Matt and I would never take any moment for granted again. Because that one special moment, like hearing the word "Momma," may never come back.
He is not reciting poetry or anything, but I have heard a series of lovely pop-out words that have gotten me very excited. These words may not mean a lot to the parent of any "typical" three year old, in fact I bet you wish they would stop talking. But to me, these words make my heart melt. Just like when I heard Destin speak for the first time, too. Although he could master puzzles and do math before he spoke real sentences...over-achiever.
"No."
Yes, the word 'no' may seem like an annoying example. And Brody has said 'no' or something like it before, but lately he has said 'no' with gusto.
"NO!"
Like the man means it. And he says it in regards to more than just food now. He says it about Frodo, taking a bath, putting on shoes, taking medicine, anything. Just like any crazy kid would.
"I'm Mad!"
He said it! Plain as day while Matt and I stripped him down for bath time this week. I plopped him in the water and after much disgust and eating the bubbles, he just yelled, "I'm mad!" Well then...so he is not only saying how he feels but in the correct context! Woot!
"Momma"
My own personal favorite. "Momma" was one of his first words. Brody said his first word at 10 months. And he just kept speaking from there. It was awesome; he was on a roll. But then the words stopped. And I went for about 2 years without hearing "Momma." Kind of broke my heart a little, but I can't stay upset. I know he knows I am his mother. Definitely. But it was nice to hear this word all week long and he would say it while looking at me or holding my hand.
"Boo-Boo!"
Now, we have no idea who or what "Boo-Boo" is in our house. My cousin Amanda, her nickname is Boo-Boo. She used to fall down a lot as a kid and get "Boo-Boos." Catchy, I know. But unless Brody is a medium with psychic powers, this obviously means something else. He says it when he is happy or excited mostly. So, I guess this is some kind of happy-go-lucky-I-am-having-fun word?
There you have it. Brody's new, regular words are coming right along. I am excited to see if they "stick." Or if they fade away in the next month. I am confident they are here to stay. But I have learned to take every good day for what it's worth and every moment to heart.
Again, Brody was sent to us so Matt and I would never take any moment for granted again. Because that one special moment, like hearing the word "Momma," may never come back.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Meeting with our Peeps
This morning at 9AM, Matt and I were sitting at Barrett's Elementary with some of the smartest women we know. They are not lawyers or doctors or writers or scientists, they are communication specialists for ASD children, a speech pathologist, and Brody's lovely teacher Emily.
This was a meeting to discuss Brody's goals and progress...and of course what is lacking.
The good news is that he is progressing! He is very connected to the teachers in the class. He also loves the PECS activity (he has to show a picture of an item he wants before he gets the item). He does this activity with over 80% accuracy! Yeah!
He also has a series of "pop-out" words. Meaning he will randomly say a word like "Rapunzel!" or "Cheese crackers" or "Budweiser!" (I know, nice.)
Other good things...he excels on the playground, no gross motor delays to report. He climbs, runs, plays, tumbles, with ease.
He is also sitting for circle, the entire time, and loves music time...they said me smiles and dances for the music which is very assuring that he is aware of his surroundings. He is very connected to his teachers; he loves on them, hugs them, wants kisses. He also started "fist bumps" i.e. Howie Mandel style. He does this on cue.
The main challenge is his ability to focus on one thing at a time. He also needs help with fine motor activities like cutting with scissors, zipping his coat, buttons, etc. He is good at lacing, though. He also does EVERYTHING but speak when he wants something. He plays a constant game of charades for his needs.
So he will stand by the coats and jump around when he wants to play outside instead of saying
"Hey, I want out lady..let's get to business!"
He will try and open his crackers himself with his teeth instead of asking for help.
He'll get the actual juice container from the frig and hand it to us instead of asking for juide (well sometimes he says "juice" probably 3 times a day). He'll get a game or DVD out of the cabinet instead of asking for it, etc.
So, everything but communicate verbally.
Then we moved onto what concerns 'we' the parents have for him...and for me, it is building relationships with other children.
Brody loves teenagers. He loves parents and grandparents, aunt and uncles. But not other small children. They freak him out. Too unpredictable (can you blame him?). He does play really well they Destin; they are BFF.
I really could care less about academic progress right now..yeah that's right I said it.
I don't care about academics with my 3 year old kid....colors, numbers, shapes...I don't give a sh**.
So what if he does not know that stuff right now? He WILL.
Would it be awesome if he could recite his ABC's? Heck yeah. But I cannot dwell on the fact that some kids can and he can't...yet.
I would be torturing myself if every day I thought about we he 'cannot do.' I am only human though...I do tear up when I see other small children holding conversations with their parents. It does hurt to see other "normal" children at play...sort of feels like my chest is caving in...but again, I cannot focus on these negative thoughts; I would go insane. And a crazy momma is not a good momma. I have to keep it together for Brody's sake...and for my husband.
Am I thrilled at those baby videos of 18 month olds reciting the Gettysburg Address? Yes, of course. But really, is it necessary for a 2 year old to know mulitplication tables or the value of a dime? Ummm nope. It's not like they are entering Harvard right after they are potty-trained. We have some time.
I would be more thrilled if Brody made a best friend or said his own name, or maybe an "I love you, mommy!" I mean, who gives a rip if he knows the alphabet...what if he can't sing it with his buddies?
The day he says "I love you" for the first time, will be the best day of my life. Right up there with my wedding day and the birthdays of my boys. That is my own goal for him. To say what he feels, wants, and needs in actual words. That is my goal for him.
And then there's Matt. Matt has NEVER missed a meeting about Brody. In fact, he has never missed anything when our boys are concerned: not a parent-teacher conference, not a doctor's appointment. I am so lucky. Without our marriage, and its strength, I do not know where I would be...probably in a corner crying over buckets of ice cream and other drugs.
So, the meeting today went very well. I left in a great mood and I left wanting to hold Brody even tighter. And tell Destin what an amazing big brother he is to Brody. Now if we could just get him off the shelves and keep him dressed...we would be in good shape.
This was a meeting to discuss Brody's goals and progress...and of course what is lacking.
The good news is that he is progressing! He is very connected to the teachers in the class. He also loves the PECS activity (he has to show a picture of an item he wants before he gets the item). He does this activity with over 80% accuracy! Yeah!
He also has a series of "pop-out" words. Meaning he will randomly say a word like "Rapunzel!" or "Cheese crackers" or "Budweiser!" (I know, nice.)
Other good things...he excels on the playground, no gross motor delays to report. He climbs, runs, plays, tumbles, with ease.
He is also sitting for circle, the entire time, and loves music time...they said me smiles and dances for the music which is very assuring that he is aware of his surroundings. He is very connected to his teachers; he loves on them, hugs them, wants kisses. He also started "fist bumps" i.e. Howie Mandel style. He does this on cue.
The main challenge is his ability to focus on one thing at a time. He also needs help with fine motor activities like cutting with scissors, zipping his coat, buttons, etc. He is good at lacing, though. He also does EVERYTHING but speak when he wants something. He plays a constant game of charades for his needs.
So he will stand by the coats and jump around when he wants to play outside instead of saying
"Hey, I want out lady..let's get to business!"
He will try and open his crackers himself with his teeth instead of asking for help.
He'll get the actual juice container from the frig and hand it to us instead of asking for juide (well sometimes he says "juice" probably 3 times a day). He'll get a game or DVD out of the cabinet instead of asking for it, etc.
So, everything but communicate verbally.
Then we moved onto what concerns 'we' the parents have for him...and for me, it is building relationships with other children.
Brody loves teenagers. He loves parents and grandparents, aunt and uncles. But not other small children. They freak him out. Too unpredictable (can you blame him?). He does play really well they Destin; they are BFF.
I really could care less about academic progress right now..yeah that's right I said it.
I don't care about academics with my 3 year old kid....colors, numbers, shapes...I don't give a sh**.
So what if he does not know that stuff right now? He WILL.
Would it be awesome if he could recite his ABC's? Heck yeah. But I cannot dwell on the fact that some kids can and he can't...yet.
I would be torturing myself if every day I thought about we he 'cannot do.' I am only human though...I do tear up when I see other small children holding conversations with their parents. It does hurt to see other "normal" children at play...sort of feels like my chest is caving in...but again, I cannot focus on these negative thoughts; I would go insane. And a crazy momma is not a good momma. I have to keep it together for Brody's sake...and for my husband.
Am I thrilled at those baby videos of 18 month olds reciting the Gettysburg Address? Yes, of course. But really, is it necessary for a 2 year old to know mulitplication tables or the value of a dime? Ummm nope. It's not like they are entering Harvard right after they are potty-trained. We have some time.
I would be more thrilled if Brody made a best friend or said his own name, or maybe an "I love you, mommy!" I mean, who gives a rip if he knows the alphabet...what if he can't sing it with his buddies?
The day he says "I love you" for the first time, will be the best day of my life. Right up there with my wedding day and the birthdays of my boys. That is my own goal for him. To say what he feels, wants, and needs in actual words. That is my goal for him.
And then there's Matt. Matt has NEVER missed a meeting about Brody. In fact, he has never missed anything when our boys are concerned: not a parent-teacher conference, not a doctor's appointment. I am so lucky. Without our marriage, and its strength, I do not know where I would be...probably in a corner crying over buckets of ice cream and other drugs.
So, the meeting today went very well. I left in a great mood and I left wanting to hold Brody even tighter. And tell Destin what an amazing big brother he is to Brody. Now if we could just get him off the shelves and keep him dressed...we would be in good shape.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Destin is a Nerd. And that's OK.
About 2 weeks ago, I got a call from Destin's school about some concerning "behaviors" he was displaying in class.
His teacher explained that he frequently:
- Focused and obsessed on race cars, drew pictures of them, talked about them a lot, would make paper ones and race them in class.
- Avoided group activities and preferred to play alone or color/read.
- Preferred to talk to her than the other kids at times
- Loved math and played games with numbers
- Discussed the date and the weather in class.
- Remembered dates and was very smart with numbers, but not so much with writing.
As the conversation continued, the child psychologist for the school got on the phone and explained she wanted to have Destin tested for...wait for it...wait..Autism.
Yes, that's right. You heard here first.
The shrink (I am only saying "shrink" because it takes less time to type) said these behaviors are sure signs of ASD and that he probably only had a "slight case of autism."
A slight case of autism is like being a little bit pregnant.
I remained very calm on the phone and explained that we had a child with an ASD diagnosis. I told her I was more concerned with Destin's anxiety about school than with his preference to play alone or talk about cars, etc. The shrink said she knew about Brody from Destin's teacher. They were aware and just wanted to "play it safe" and run some tests and observations in class. She said to look for the consent forms in his backpack.
Then she hung up.
So, of course I shook like a leaf...called my mother, called my husband, my sister, my dad. Cried, yelled, screamed. All of that stuff. I called my friends, who are also educators, and asked for guidance.
Katie Hensler, if you are reading, you are a GODSEND. A true friend.
Why can't people just leave my kids alone?
Now, I understand all of this awareness is a very good thing. Believe me. I have been there and back and back again. I know his teachers CARE deeply for Destin. And it is wonderful. Destin's teacher is a sweetheart and I love talking to her. She has a great sense of humor, a lot of energy. She loves him.
We are so lucky. This post is in no way an angry letter to her...
But seriously...autism? Because he LOVES race cars, NASCAR, bowling, and is painfully shy in large groups, he has ASD?
So, I did what any good mother would do in this case. I immediately called our amazing neurologists,
Dr. Rothman and Dr. Mantovani and made an appointment at Mercy Hospital.
Boo-Yah.
The appointment was yesterday. And after an hour of questioning Destin Boland, making him do a series of "tricks" (as I call them) and other cognitive tasks, Dr. Rothman concluded that...
Destin is a Nerd.
Now he did not say those words exactly, but I knew what he was thinking.
He said Destin is very "unique" and has some quirks, but does NOT in ANY WAY have ASD or any spectrum disorder. Period.
Was I relieved? Of course. Who wouldn't be?
Am I angry at his teacher or the child shrink at school?
Nope. They just love my kid.
I let his teacher know the doc gave him a clean bill of health...if they still want to test, fine, go ahead. It won't change a thing.
It's really time we celebrate our kid's differences...I love the fact that Destin is in love with NASCAR, is great at Math, and is very tidy. I think it's OK if he prefers to play alone sometimes...he has 2 good little friends at school that he hangs out with and you know what? That's more than most kids have these days. And they are great kids. Destin is not afraid to be different. What more could a mother ask for?
Destin is my little Nerd and I would never have it any other way.
His teacher explained that he frequently:
- Focused and obsessed on race cars, drew pictures of them, talked about them a lot, would make paper ones and race them in class.
- Avoided group activities and preferred to play alone or color/read.
- Preferred to talk to her than the other kids at times
- Loved math and played games with numbers
- Discussed the date and the weather in class.
- Remembered dates and was very smart with numbers, but not so much with writing.
As the conversation continued, the child psychologist for the school got on the phone and explained she wanted to have Destin tested for...wait for it...wait..Autism.
Yes, that's right. You heard here first.
The shrink (I am only saying "shrink" because it takes less time to type) said these behaviors are sure signs of ASD and that he probably only had a "slight case of autism."
A slight case of autism is like being a little bit pregnant.
I remained very calm on the phone and explained that we had a child with an ASD diagnosis. I told her I was more concerned with Destin's anxiety about school than with his preference to play alone or talk about cars, etc. The shrink said she knew about Brody from Destin's teacher. They were aware and just wanted to "play it safe" and run some tests and observations in class. She said to look for the consent forms in his backpack.
Then she hung up.
So, of course I shook like a leaf...called my mother, called my husband, my sister, my dad. Cried, yelled, screamed. All of that stuff. I called my friends, who are also educators, and asked for guidance.
Katie Hensler, if you are reading, you are a GODSEND. A true friend.
Why can't people just leave my kids alone?
Now, I understand all of this awareness is a very good thing. Believe me. I have been there and back and back again. I know his teachers CARE deeply for Destin. And it is wonderful. Destin's teacher is a sweetheart and I love talking to her. She has a great sense of humor, a lot of energy. She loves him.
We are so lucky. This post is in no way an angry letter to her...
But seriously...autism? Because he LOVES race cars, NASCAR, bowling, and is painfully shy in large groups, he has ASD?
So, I did what any good mother would do in this case. I immediately called our amazing neurologists,
Dr. Rothman and Dr. Mantovani and made an appointment at Mercy Hospital.
Boo-Yah.
The appointment was yesterday. And after an hour of questioning Destin Boland, making him do a series of "tricks" (as I call them) and other cognitive tasks, Dr. Rothman concluded that...
Destin is a Nerd.
Now he did not say those words exactly, but I knew what he was thinking.
He said Destin is very "unique" and has some quirks, but does NOT in ANY WAY have ASD or any spectrum disorder. Period.
Was I relieved? Of course. Who wouldn't be?
Am I angry at his teacher or the child shrink at school?
Nope. They just love my kid.
I let his teacher know the doc gave him a clean bill of health...if they still want to test, fine, go ahead. It won't change a thing.
It's really time we celebrate our kid's differences...I love the fact that Destin is in love with NASCAR, is great at Math, and is very tidy. I think it's OK if he prefers to play alone sometimes...he has 2 good little friends at school that he hangs out with and you know what? That's more than most kids have these days. And they are great kids. Destin is not afraid to be different. What more could a mother ask for?
Destin is my little Nerd and I would never have it any other way.
Monday, January 30, 2012
More Than Words
Remember that song "More Than Words"? I think it was by Extreme or one of those 1980's bands (or early nineties bands). I LOVED that song.
"Sayin' I love you...is not the words I want to hear from you...
....what would you say, if I took those words away...more than
words to show you feel that your love for me is real....what would you
do...if my heart was torn in two..."
I mean I LOVED that song.
I would blast it in my car on my way to football games and request it on the radio during "Pillow Talk...Soft Rock 102.5..." I would make my boyfriends learn it on guitar and of course begged my now husband to play it over and over when we met.
I would have no idea that in just about 10 years that song would play in my mind every day.
Brody is still considered "non-verbal." Simply because he does not express himself verbally, he has been "blessed" with a label. However, for those of you who have met Brody, you know he is very expressive. He is a boy who loves to love.
Just last week, I was sitting in the living room with my two guys. Destin was making song requests..."Itsy Bitsy Spider" was one of them, then we sang the "Alphabet Song and then "Bullet Train, Choo Choo Soul." Brody just stared at my mouth as we sang and played with my hair...then squeezed my cheeks together and gave me a kiss. Then Destin wanted a kiss, and so and so on.
But at the end of our little session, he laid his head on my shoulder and fell asleep quietly.
He was warm and soft. Heaven in my lap. Love.
Now he may not have said it at the moment, but I felt it. It's more than words. So what would I do if the words "I love you" went away? Well, I would look to Brody for an answer.
I gently carried him to his bed so he could rest, still in clothes of course.
"Sayin' I love you...is not the words I want to hear from you...
....what would you say, if I took those words away...more than
words to show you feel that your love for me is real....what would you
do...if my heart was torn in two..."
I mean I LOVED that song.
I would blast it in my car on my way to football games and request it on the radio during "Pillow Talk...Soft Rock 102.5..." I would make my boyfriends learn it on guitar and of course begged my now husband to play it over and over when we met.
I would have no idea that in just about 10 years that song would play in my mind every day.
Brody is still considered "non-verbal." Simply because he does not express himself verbally, he has been "blessed" with a label. However, for those of you who have met Brody, you know he is very expressive. He is a boy who loves to love.
Just last week, I was sitting in the living room with my two guys. Destin was making song requests..."Itsy Bitsy Spider" was one of them, then we sang the "Alphabet Song and then "Bullet Train, Choo Choo Soul." Brody just stared at my mouth as we sang and played with my hair...then squeezed my cheeks together and gave me a kiss. Then Destin wanted a kiss, and so and so on.
But at the end of our little session, he laid his head on my shoulder and fell asleep quietly.
He was warm and soft. Heaven in my lap. Love.
Now he may not have said it at the moment, but I felt it. It's more than words. So what would I do if the words "I love you" went away? Well, I would look to Brody for an answer.
I gently carried him to his bed so he could rest, still in clothes of course.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
All is Fair in Love and Playgrounds
Yesterday was an amazing day for the Bolands. Not only did I have the day off from work, but it was a big day for Brody and for me. I realized that all kids are the same...on the playground.
After a morning hanging out at the house watching "Tangled" I took the boys out to eat for cheese
"ques-ka-di-yas" as Destin says, then we went to Fenton City Park. We were not the only ones with this idea apparently because the place was hoppin.' I barely found a spot to park.
We set up shop right in front of the jungle gym/slide thingy. Destin ran off to the swings. Last time we went to the playground, about 2 months ago (hey we moved, we barely have time for this stuff anymore!) Brody just mingled around, wandered, occasionally went up the stairs, occasionally wanted to swing. Mostly he would run around aimlessly as I chased him.
But not yesterday.
Brody was on a mission; to conquer the twisty slide. He climbed up the stairs, waited his turn, went down the slide, all while looking and smiling straight at me. He did this for almost 20 minutes. It was wonderful. He blended right in with the other little ones (except he was wayyyyy cuter!). He was screaming, yelling, running around, looking at other kids, jumping on the bridges, climbing the walls of the jungle gym...it was amazing to watch.
But it did not end there...little boys would come up to him and want to share things (like sticks, rocks, dirt, mud) and he totally reached out his hand each time to grab theirs. Yes, there were almost some tears at the park...from mommy!
Brody also, like any 3 year old, was fearless. The monkey bars are a favorite. While Destin, my cautious child, wanted me to hold him up while he moved from bar to bar, Brody just went for it. He would hang for a minute, then move to the next bar. He did this for almost 30 minutes. It was awesome.
Normalness is something we all take for granted; I know I did before Brody's diagnosis. I took potty-training as just another chore, not a daily victory. I took using utensils has mere mundane routine, but it is a great achievement to see Brody eat cereal. I also took sharing as a "requirement" of children, not as developmental growth. But it is such a sign of development and relationship building.
After today I realized why Brody was sent to us, so we would never take anything from our children for granted again. Everything they learn and do is a gift...even sharing a mud pie.
After a morning hanging out at the house watching "Tangled" I took the boys out to eat for cheese
"ques-ka-di-yas" as Destin says, then we went to Fenton City Park. We were not the only ones with this idea apparently because the place was hoppin.' I barely found a spot to park.
We set up shop right in front of the jungle gym/slide thingy. Destin ran off to the swings. Last time we went to the playground, about 2 months ago (hey we moved, we barely have time for this stuff anymore!) Brody just mingled around, wandered, occasionally went up the stairs, occasionally wanted to swing. Mostly he would run around aimlessly as I chased him.
But not yesterday.
Brody was on a mission; to conquer the twisty slide. He climbed up the stairs, waited his turn, went down the slide, all while looking and smiling straight at me. He did this for almost 20 minutes. It was wonderful. He blended right in with the other little ones (except he was wayyyyy cuter!). He was screaming, yelling, running around, looking at other kids, jumping on the bridges, climbing the walls of the jungle gym...it was amazing to watch.
But it did not end there...little boys would come up to him and want to share things (like sticks, rocks, dirt, mud) and he totally reached out his hand each time to grab theirs. Yes, there were almost some tears at the park...from mommy!
Brody also, like any 3 year old, was fearless. The monkey bars are a favorite. While Destin, my cautious child, wanted me to hold him up while he moved from bar to bar, Brody just went for it. He would hang for a minute, then move to the next bar. He did this for almost 30 minutes. It was awesome.
Normalness is something we all take for granted; I know I did before Brody's diagnosis. I took potty-training as just another chore, not a daily victory. I took using utensils has mere mundane routine, but it is a great achievement to see Brody eat cereal. I also took sharing as a "requirement" of children, not as developmental growth. But it is such a sign of development and relationship building.
After today I realized why Brody was sent to us, so we would never take anything from our children for granted again. Everything they learn and do is a gift...even sharing a mud pie.
Monday, January 2, 2012
So this was Christmas...
I hope I do not sound like Uncle Scrooge when I say this, but I am happy the holidays are over.
Not that Christmas and New Year's were not fun this year, they were wonderful, but very exhausting. I am sure a lot of you are also a little happy that the tree is coming down and the shopping is finished.
The holidays seemed to exentuate Brody's fun quirks. As you know, we refer to Brody as "Mr. Naked" around the house. It used to be very cute to find Brody naked, happily watching TV or eating breakfast, but ever since the holidays it is out of control. He now HATES wearing pull-ups, which is a great sign that we are close to potty-training the guy, but up until then, it is very hard to keep the child from dropping his pants at the drop of a hat in the living room. He especially loves getting naked and sitting on the couch...ewww. Thank goodness it is treated-leather.
The holidays also brought about a new trend with the Brodster and that is "tantrums." Brody used to rarely throw a temper tantrum; I mean rarely...he was not perfect, but maybe once or twice a week there would be an outburst. But this weekend we were in a grocery store in Branson and I bet the cashiers thought we were kidnappers. I also want to strangle the person who puts those M&M's (and hot-wheels cars) in the checkout line.
Here is the scene...Destin grabs a packet of M&M's and starts begging for them. Brody sees his brother in distress, then gets mad. He starts head butting Destin in line and grabs the candy from him. Destin shrieks and Brody shrieks louder and busts the bag open. Candy goes everywhere as I run to the parking lot with the kids...Matt hastily pays the bill as I make the getaway. I am sure someone studied our images for America's Most Wanted.
On our way home from Branson yesterday, Brody was sleeping and snoring in the car, Destin was playing his Leapster. I looked at my husband and selfishly asked if things could get any worse right now. The kids were finally content after a lot of chaotic moments; I was hitting my breaking point. It was definitely a down moment. Brody is nuts over the holidays, we are exhausted, and what for?
Matt reminded me of how lucky we are to have Brody...he hugs us, kisses us, loves us and we know it. Many autistic children do not show affection. And have the help/support we need to get through a hard time. We have a home, we have good jobs, we have professional help. Not many people can say that, especially those with a special needs child. We are lucky. And yes, things can get much, much worse.
He also reminded me of how we are lucky to have each other...he is right (don't tell him that!).
So, were the holidays insane...yes. But would we expect anything different? Nope.
This is our new normal...and it is starting to feel like home.
Not that Christmas and New Year's were not fun this year, they were wonderful, but very exhausting. I am sure a lot of you are also a little happy that the tree is coming down and the shopping is finished.
The holidays seemed to exentuate Brody's fun quirks. As you know, we refer to Brody as "Mr. Naked" around the house. It used to be very cute to find Brody naked, happily watching TV or eating breakfast, but ever since the holidays it is out of control. He now HATES wearing pull-ups, which is a great sign that we are close to potty-training the guy, but up until then, it is very hard to keep the child from dropping his pants at the drop of a hat in the living room. He especially loves getting naked and sitting on the couch...ewww. Thank goodness it is treated-leather.
The holidays also brought about a new trend with the Brodster and that is "tantrums." Brody used to rarely throw a temper tantrum; I mean rarely...he was not perfect, but maybe once or twice a week there would be an outburst. But this weekend we were in a grocery store in Branson and I bet the cashiers thought we were kidnappers. I also want to strangle the person who puts those M&M's (and hot-wheels cars) in the checkout line.
Here is the scene...Destin grabs a packet of M&M's and starts begging for them. Brody sees his brother in distress, then gets mad. He starts head butting Destin in line and grabs the candy from him. Destin shrieks and Brody shrieks louder and busts the bag open. Candy goes everywhere as I run to the parking lot with the kids...Matt hastily pays the bill as I make the getaway. I am sure someone studied our images for America's Most Wanted.
On our way home from Branson yesterday, Brody was sleeping and snoring in the car, Destin was playing his Leapster. I looked at my husband and selfishly asked if things could get any worse right now. The kids were finally content after a lot of chaotic moments; I was hitting my breaking point. It was definitely a down moment. Brody is nuts over the holidays, we are exhausted, and what for?
Matt reminded me of how lucky we are to have Brody...he hugs us, kisses us, loves us and we know it. Many autistic children do not show affection. And have the help/support we need to get through a hard time. We have a home, we have good jobs, we have professional help. Not many people can say that, especially those with a special needs child. We are lucky. And yes, things can get much, much worse.
He also reminded me of how we are lucky to have each other...he is right (don't tell him that!).
So, were the holidays insane...yes. But would we expect anything different? Nope.
This is our new normal...and it is starting to feel like home.
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