Perfect Dads
This week, I started reading additional blogs about autism in children. I came across one article, “How to be a Good Friend to Mothers of Special Needs kids.” I unearthed many, many articles about moms and other female roles in a child’s life.
However, I did not come across any articles about Special Needs Dads. I’m sure they exist, they are just not as publicized or readily available as a “Mommy” article.
I wonder if Dads all sit around while at a bar and talk about freezing meals for the week or parent-teacher conferences….or the party invitations they personalized for their kid’s birthday. I wonder if the one dad who bleaches the bathroom makes all of the other dads feel like crap because they don’t have the time. I’ve never heard these talks, but hey, I’m not around 100% of the time. What do these dads talk about anyway?
I believe the pressure for a dad to be “perfect” is hidden from us. The pressure or expectation is still there, but it is not publicized. I always assumed that dads just didn’t have that feeling of “not being good enough” or being “inferior.”
Well, I was wrong.
Recently, my husband, dad of two, new student, full-time sales manager, house fixer-upper and resident biker, decided to take on a new challenge. Cub Scout Master. It’s not exactly new, but no one (NO ONE) volunteered to be Cub Scout Master during the last meeting in May. Matt did this last year as well. During the meeting, all of the other dads just looked at Matt and waited for him to raise his hand again…and you know what? He did.
“No one else wants to do it…maybe it’s because they are so much older than us?” He had a good point. We are the freakishly young parents at our kids’ school. Everyone, EVERYONE is at least 6 years older than us. Maybe we are expected; because we are under 40, we should be able to take on more activities…we must have more energy because we are 33 and 34? Right?
So now Matt is Cub Scout Master, again. And is taking night classes. Oh, and I teach at night, too.
We have 2 free nights a week now. That’s it. And when Matt emailed these parents that we had to meet on Mondays or Fridays, the fit hit the shan.
“Bobby Jo has Tae Kwon Doe, baseball, Chinese lessons, art class and soccer this year. Can you move it to Wednesday at 7PM?” That was one response…this was then followed by about 8 other identical responses. So, like any “perfect dad” Matt tried to accommodate all of the requests.
“If everyone quits, I will look BAD. What will the other parents think?” Matt said, while cooking up his next protein shake the other night…(yes, he is also dieting right now.).
And there you have it.
“What will the other parents think?” I thought only moms cared about that crap. But no, dads do, too.
I reminded Matt that he is volunteering his time and they need to work around his schedule.
“But a mom emailed me tonight and said her little boy wants to join the den. And her son…her son has autism, Cassie. I CANNOT LET THIS MOM DOWN. This mom is the whole reason why I am doing this. I will make it work. ”
Wow, and there it is again. That pressure to be a good dad. And he did make it work.
He eventually found a workable schedule and I offered to fill in when I needed to. After Destin’s birthday party and the chaos that took place that day, I have no idea how he handles 10 little boys. It was like a human-tribal ceremony…complete with fart noises and conversations about butts…and a cake eating contest. Complete and utter chaos.
I have no idea how he does it.
So, the moral to the story is…we all have pressure to be good parents. It’s there. For us, with Brody especially, we both feel like we have this pressure to be perfect saints. And we’re not. We’re a mom and a dad. And we’re taking it one minute at a time. And if that means boy scouts has to meet on Monday night, then so be it.
