Here is a picture of Destin (blondie) and Brody (brunette). They are 8 and 5 years old, a second grader and a kindergartener. Since you are reading this blog post, you know that Brody was diagnosed with autism when he was 2 years old. Now he's 5...those are the facts.
This picture above was taken at the St. Louis Zoo last summer by the hippo tank. Brody was getting ready to step down off the observation deck and he almost fell, it was very wet. Destin grabbed him so he wouldn't fall. Then I had to snap a pic...what a smile and what a proud big bro. We had a blast that day; we got there right when the zoo opened and we just hopped around like crazy rabbits...one of the best days I've ever had with my guys. We will come back to this picture tidbits in a sec...
Over the last 3 years or so, as we've spent time in the autism community, I've come across more and more news articles about mothers and fathers (and other family members) abusing, neglecting, even killing their special needs children, and in most cases these children are not "children" per se, they are over age 18. But with their disorder(s) they are considered a younger cognitive age, and come with all of the stressors of a younger child and then some...and they are adult in size.
These parents are doing these horrible acts for a number of reasons...they are overwhlemed, over-stressed, strapped financially with no other resources (or so they think/feel) and feel there is no other option but to make their children pay an ultimate price. The life of special needs parents can be very isolating. I understand that completely. It is. And these parents/caregivers are brought to the edge of
sanity.
One article, for example, was about a mother who shot her 24 year old autistic son, then turned the gun on herself. This is isolation, mential illness, depression, exhaustion, anger, fear, rage all rolled into one act of extreme violence. This mother felt she had no other option. It makes my chest sink.
I've read countless others that are disgusting...everything from not putting an autistic child in a car seat because the father commented. "What's the point?" to much, much worse. (True story, a father actually said this in a statement when confronted about the abuse.)
There are days, like yesterday, where I read these articles for what seems like hours. Brody will be watching Toy Story, eating his oreos, happy as a clam, or playing with Destin on the floor, and I'll be hunched over my laptop or ipad reading these "things" like a lunatic. And at the end of every article, Matt is sitting right there next to me. Sometimes, he'll come over and turn off the computer. And the article will disappear. Last night he spoke up:
"Cassie....stop with the emotional cutting..." He immediately wanted to me fess up about what was really making me read these articles.
"Well, Brody won't be 5 forever..."
"Cassie...he is 5 NOW. Stop. Reading. The freakin articles. You are driving yourself insane"
That is true love.
I don't know why I subject myself to these articles and stories about horrible abuse in the special needs community. I don't know why I constantly gravitate to articles about special needs "kids" age 18 and over who are neglected. Maybe it's to feel better about the job we are doing? Maybe it's to understand the stress of other parents? Maybe it's to prepare me for what's ahead?
The reality in our household is, just as the picure shows above, it's full of 2 happy little boys. That's it. That's all. And reading these horrible articles won't change Brody into a 24 year old toddler or Destin into a neglected child.
But, turning off the computer or deleting "Autism Speaks" from my newsfeed won't change the fact that there are millsions of special needs families who need help. I desperately want to do something...if only we had a bigger house, we could invite all of these families here, even just to show them they're not alone. We could order pizza, pour some wine and just...talk. And let the kids play.
So, in closing...Brody won't be 5 forever, but he is 5 now. And I need to get back to him and put away the articles...at least for a while.
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